From working Mom to working overtime!

Most of us want it as Moms (no – not sleep, although that is always nice!) to be a stay at home Mom. So did I! So after we had our first child, I thought as my year of maternity leave came to an end, “I never want this to end”, then reality set in. After sitting down with my Husband and one of our Pastors and looking over our financial situation, it was more then obvious that I had to go back to my job which I hated! My heart sank and the tears began to flow. I remember saying “but the Bible says that its a woman’s “job” to stay at home!” Titus 2:4-5 says “Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives” I remember thinking I cant do BOTH. How can these 2 men (my husband and our Pastor who didn’t understand why i was crying) understand that I cant be a great employee and run the store and keep a great house. Someone else will be raising my kid, that’s MY job!

The first day of dropping Kennedy off was so hard. I was going into a job that i hated, new staff that i didn’t know and while on mat leave i changed my life forever by accepting Jesus into my life. I knew that God had called me back to work to “clear my name”, to reach people, to be a good influence as well to show my boss and employees that I was NOT the same bitter, mean and miserable person because Jesus changed me! Going in knowing I had a purpose made it a bit easier but in the back of my mind always was my daughter. Days off became special, just Mommy and Kenendy time – and we made great memories!

When we had our second child, I knew once again I was up against the BIG question. After talking, praying and moving to a less expensive house my dream came true. I got the ok to stay at home as long as I took other people’s kids in. I now became the babysitter! At first to be honest, all I could think was “great this is NOT how I planned it!” I’m still working, just in my house, what a rip off! At least when I worked at the store, I went home, now my work became my home and now I went from working 40hrs per week to a silly amount of hours a week!  I was VERY quickly reminded by God that this is a PRIVILEGE to stay at home and to be trusted with people’s most valuable possession, their children!

Day one came and went, it was also Kennedy’s 1st day of school ever so the first day was a big blur to me of poopy bums and crying babies trying to adjust to a new house and for Cole, having other kids in his house which he was still trying to get used to himself! As the first month came to an end I thought “this is not so bad!” Then I looked around my house, toys everywhere, food on the floor, the aroma of dirty diapers and all I wanted to do was have a nap!

Well, 3 months into it there have been days when I just have to focus on the good ones, even if that day is not one of them. Some days I have to choose to have a good attitude and thankfully for the most part just have FUN. Today we were dancing in the kitchen being silly and I had to stop and thank God for giving me this privilege of watching these kids grow and to the parents for trusting me with their very valuable children.

I continue to learn that sometimes our situations are not as WE thought they were going to be, but that they are just as God wants them to be (Isaiah 55:8-9). I didn’t look for kids to watch but they found me and I believe that these kids are meant to be here at my home to teach me things as I teach them! Never underestimate the value of a lesson early so it won’t become a HUGE situation in order to get your attention! NO matter if your a stay at home Mom or a working outside the home Mom, don’t under estimate the important role you play in your child’s life. As a babysitter I may spend more time with them during the day but I know I’m just one of the people in the village that it takes to raise a child!

Hope restored

How often do we look at a situation in our life and say “this is hopeless?” For me my “hopeless situation” happened about 4 years ago now. My husband and I had repaired our marriage, started going to a great local church and really turned our life around. At the time we had just moved into a bigger and nicer house then we had, and felt that our daughter who was 1 at the time needed a sibling. We had no problem getting pregnant with her and thought it would more or less be the same thing. Somewhere in the back of my mind though i thought well if it takes a year it takes a year!

So after 6 months went by I thought well its not a year yet so stop thinking it will never happen. This was often a conversation I would have with myself to “talk my self off the edge” so to speak. Things at my job where going well, our daughter was growing and doing great, to the average person we where doing well for ourselves. What people didn’t know was the pain, anger and frustration that I was caring around with me ALL the time. This was a way of life I had left behind, why was it happening again?! I felt alone, upset and empty, like the purpose I was put on earth for I couldn’t even do that! To make matters worse our daughter fell out of bed and broke her collar bone in a freak accident,my instant thought was “great now I’m not even a good Mom!, no wonder God doesn’t want me to have more kids I cant even keep this one safe!”

Well as life would have it, there was a baby boom all around me. I felt like EVERYONE except me was getting pregnant. What I didn’t see is that there where lessons God was trying to show me but I would miss them because I was too busy looking at what was wrong in my life that I couldn’t see the good around me. I was a small group leader, God changed my marriage from heading to divorce to a restored marriage, my daughter(despite her little mishap) was doing amazing and so smart. I had a job! Well that year, our 3rd year of trying there where 12 people we knew who had babies or where pregnant, but not me!

New years eve came and I felt as I listened to a lady tell people her struggles to get pregnant that it would be me next year telling my story. I brushed it off as me being emotional. I went home that night and said to God, listen you know my heart, you know I want another baby and yes I am scared that it would be a boy, but God if you want me to have a boy please HELP ME to raise him. Help me to know what to do with a boy (i have 2 sisters and only 1 male cousin and my dad was not around a lot)please God make me feel ok about it.

After that prayer, giving it up to God saying i know you have the best of intentions for me so please just help me be ok, i got pregnant the next month!!!!!!! God is SOOOOOOOOOOO amazing! I knew I was pregnant with a boy once that test said positive and sure enough on Sept 22 2011 Cole was born. I will tell you more about him later but let me just end by saying God has gone above and BEYOND my wildest dreams with this little guy! No matter what you are going thru keep on fighting for it!

This is Cole.