I knew the day was coming!

I knew the day would come, the day some Moms look forward to, the day some Moms dread, the day kids anticipate or wish would be delayed, the day I send my baby to school for the 1st time and my big girl into grade 3!

4 years ago when I sent my sweet daughter on her way to kindergarten I wept but when I left felt ok cause I had my sweet 1 year old to distract me from the ache my heart was feeling that day. Well in only a couple of days, with backpacks filled, lunch planned out in my mind, worse case  scenarios running thru my mind of reactions from him I don’t feel any more prepared then I did 4 years ago.

I will admit when one of my friends talked about sending her last one to school and how she would “baby” him I would say come on, why treat him any different then the others. Well now I understand! I understand the special place your 1st born holds in your heart but I understand the ache you feel about your baby growing up well, too fast.

I try not to treat him any different then my oldest, hold him to the same standards of our house but admittedly He has gotten away with a few extra bad attitudes. I have tortured myself with blogs about sending your baby to kindergarten, and posts about the 1st day of school. I have sat and wept like a baby, and just allowed myself to fall apart. These new overwhelming feeling of sadness about this new season has let me know its ok to be sad. Its ok to allow those moments to happen and its ok if your best friend laughs at you like your crazy, cause often in life we don’t take the moments to allow the weight, sadness, excitement and all other feelings to be felt. We have become a numbed out society who in alot of cases just let life pass us by. So yes I know after the first couple of days home alone, by myself I will begin to enjoy the new norm. I will have days with my kids and myself off cause ontop of him going to school, I’m going back to work full time for the 1st time in 4 years. I’m sure after a while I’m going to wish they where both in school on my day off but other days I will be happy to share my day with them. But for now I will allow the weight of heaviness to penetrate my soul, feel it but not stay there. To my kids I will be excited and happy and a cheerleader for both of them but when I get in my car I might just fall apart but not allow myself to stay there all day.

I knew the day was coming!

I knew the day would come, the day some Moms look forward to, the day some Moms dread, the day kids anticipate or wish would be delayed, the day I send my baby to school for the 1st time and my big girl into grade 3!

4 years ago when I sent my sweet daughter on her way to kindergarten I wept but when I left felt ok cause I had my sweet 1 year old to distract me from the ache my heart was feeling that day. Well in only a couple of days, with backpacks filled, lunch planned out in my mind, worse case  scenarios running thru my mind of reactions from him I don’t feel any more prepared then I did 4 years ago.

I will admit when one of my friends talked about sending her last one to school and how she would “baby” him I would say come on, why treat him any different then the others. Well now I understand! I understand the special place your 1st born holds in your heart but I understand the ache you feel about your baby growing up well, too fast.

I try not to treat him any different then my oldest, hold him to the same standards of our house but admittedly He has gotten away with a few extra bad attitudes. I have tortured myself with blogs about sending your baby to kindergarten, and posts about the 1st day of school. I have sat and wept like a baby, and just allowed myself to fall apart. These new overwhelming feeling of sadness about this new season has let me know its ok to be sad. Its ok to allow those moments to happen and its ok if your best friend laughs at you like your crazy, cause often in life we don’t take the moments to allow the weight, sadness, excitement and all other feelings to be felt. We have become a numbed out society who in alot of cases just let life pass us by. So yes I know after the first couple of days home alone, by myself I will begin to enjoy the new norm. I will have days with my kids and myself off cause ontop of him going to school, I’m going back to work full time for the 1st time in 4 years. I’m sure after a while I’m going to wish they where both in school on my day off but other days I will be happy to share my day with them. But for now I will allow the weight of heaviness to penetrate my soul, feel it but not stay there. To my kids I will be excited and happy and a cheerleader for both of them but when I get in my car I might just fall apart but not allow myself to stay there all day.