Moms, love yourself like your kids do!

Dear Moms,

Love yourself like your kids love You. Unconditionally. Without reserve, without hesitation for how your hair looks, if You have last nights make up on or if You are still in your pjs because today is hard. Love yourself from all angles too, not just the Instagram perfect angle with the filter but the naked in front of the mirror natural truth of how You look. It’s important to accept ourselves for how we look now, accept that there are somethings we just can’t change, our height, bone structure etc, but there are some things we can change. I believe a large part that needs to change is our attitude towards ourselves. I have a daughter who I want to grow up with a positive self esteem and that starts with me. What does she see when I’m getting ready, a mom who is critical of her body or a mom who is being complementary towards herself?

It may not be in actual words that she hears me but my actions. Do I often look like I don’t care how I look? Do I take time to do my hair, even if all I can do is wash it and brush it. Does she see me put on my make up not to hide flaws but to highlight the beauty that God created me to be? I have to be honest, body image issues has never really been “my thing”, weird I know! I grew up with a Mom who was confident in who she was. I grew up to know my beauty wasn’t found in how I look, but how I treat others. This doesn’t mean that if You grew with the same type of atmosphere that you too wont have issues but for me, that’s how it was. I also grew up with a physical deformity, You can call it, where in my early 20s I had to have reconstructive surgery to fix the abnormality. So I’m sure that helped me to get over my body image issues.

Now, like I said body image issues havn’t been a big deal in my life until recently. Why Now God?! I thought that as I got older I would become even more confident not go backwards. So much so, that I was getting ready for Church the other day, I texted a good friend. It wrote something like, I have my 1st shift in a new ministry and I cant stand how my clothes look on me! She was so kind to say You’re stunning and I am sure You look amazing! If only that made all my yucky feels about myself go away.

I left the house feeling like I wanted to hide, that everything was way too tight and I looked awful. How can they be OK with me looking this way, to be a greeter as people come into Church, I mean have they seen how I look?! I choose to walk in the confidence of who God says I am, instead of how I was feeling. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, even though I wasn’t “feeling” like that. I just love how God brings people along in Your life to let You know He hears You. As I was getting ready and beating myself up mentally I thought…”Sarah” hasn’t said a thing to me lately about how I look but when I was loosing weight (I put on 10 lbs of the 30 I lost) it was weekly and now I haven’t heard a thing in months. Well doesn’t “Sarah” pass me, say Hi, and goes on her way. Only to circle back a few minutes later, hugs me as if she knew what I was thinking and says You look fantastic tonight! I wanted to cry!!! Not cause she made me feel amazing but because God cares even about my bad moment of body image issues. He loves to go above and beyond cause I had 3 other people complement me that night. That night highlighted a few things to me. (1) I depend on people’s complements to determine how I feel about myself more then I thought. (2) Clearly I have some self love that I need to work on. (3) Contentment needs to be found in the process, cause that’s what I am in, a process. A process of learning and unlearning things. A process of going from not caring to caring and a process of accepting my mistakes and loving myself like my kids do. My husband DAILY, many times a day, tells me how beautiful I am. I should be walking around with a big head lol. It shows that it goes deeper then just hearing it, You have to believe it about yourself first.

As moms we have enough coming at us where we can feel like we are not good enough, that our kids don’t behave well enough, that I’m not Martha Steward, or Jamie Oliver blah blah blah. We need to take a point of view from our kids who say Mama your beautiful, even from the angle of a 6 year old, not the Instagram “perfect” filter, angle, lighting, hair and make up world that we can get caught up in. So Mom’s today, love yourself a bit more like your kids do, and change how You talk to yourself cause You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

The view my 6 year old sees. My 10 year old’s view and well, make up and filters and just the right light and angle.

Until next time,

Jen

February 18, 2018 3

A gift that keeps on giving this year.

This holiday season was extra special or many reasons but one of the big reasons was my husband didn’t have to work on Christmas day!!! It was only the 2nd time in 6 years, Hospital life! This year I decided to go out of my comfort zone and make a gift. I had seen it on many Pintrest pins, the 365 Jar. I thought at first it would be a challenge to make but I had lots of time before Christmas so it should be a breeze, hahahahhahahaha, famous last words! So if you don’t know what a 365 Jar is, it is a Jar ( duh) that you fill with 365 different papers. You have 5 different colours which each represent a topic. So I did white for Bible scriptures, blue for memories, teal for words of encouragement, pink for quotes about love and yellow was things I love about him. Doesn’t sound so bad does it?, until you do the math. Each colour topic has to have 73 papers with it. SO 73 things I love about him, 73 memories etc. It was hard towards the end cause I felt like I was running out of memories or like I was repeating love quotes. Thankfully there are over 100 scriptures about love!

My love language is gifts, so I find it super fun and easy to buy gifts for others. (If you haven’t heard of the 5 Love Languages Google it, they also have one for kids) My husband on the other hand is physical affection and words of encouragement. So I knew this gift would just hit him in the emotions, and it did! I got the reaction I was expecting, tears! I know, how mean of me to expect tears but sometimes that’s how I measure how “good” a gift is. So for Mark to have his own jar I knew would mean a lot to him. A whole year of words that mean something to him. Each day it’s super fun to see what one gets pulled out of the jar. Some we share with the kids and others not so much because those memories are better kept just between us. I tried to make it as much of “me” as possible by throwing in some funny things and just as much of him by putting in super mushy things.

I had to dig deep to make sure this project got completed. When it came to memories it was super fun to go and look at old photos, Facebook posts and memories from our times together. 14 years is a lot of memories to try and record. It was fun to relive in my memory some of the old memories such as our 1st house. How excited I was to sleep in our 1st house that we bought together that I insisted we sleep on our hardwood floors the night before we moved all our furniture into the house. It wasn’t a great sleep but its a special memory we have. Telling him 73 reasons why I love him, such as, now this is very me…kills bugs!!!! Scriptures to encourage him like Lamentations 3:22-26 and my favorite love quotes. This one I laughed at and he felt the need to share with a close friend who is sensitive like him. “I might not be your 1st kiss, 1st love or 1st date but I want to be your last everything”. Thanks to Pintrest for that one! I just laugh when he reads it but it truly warms his heart. Its funny thought, cause I love Nicholas Sparks films, the girly of the girly films but to live it out, not so much.

I am so happy that I choose to take on this challenge because it’s easy to buy a gift, but one that is made especially from such a big project I feel speaks way more to the receiver. This gift I know will be something that He will treasure for years to come. It is a type of gift that our kids will remember in years to come. It is a type of gift that on hard days it will be a light in the darkness. The type of gift that goes beyond this year. So with the start of a New Year, Birthdays come up and we all know how quickly Christmas can creep up, start thinking about a gift that goes beyond a store and dig a little deeper. I’m already thinking of this years gift!

That’s what 365 papers all written out look like. I seen 3 am, 2 days in a row to make sure it got completed. It was a photo finish!

Until next time,

Jen

February 2, 2018 0

Thankful

I wanted to share something I got to witness first hand. What is it that I got to see? Well, it’s something sadly we don’t see often, almost a lost concept to some. What I saw was many people putting their lives aside to care for another person. That other person was me! The ones who laid their lives aside were my family and friends. This was almost a year ago and the impact that it had on me has stuck with me, and I wanted to share it with you.
It all began as a nice fun night out with 2 of my best friends, also named Jen. These are my “ride or die” friends, my squad, my chosen sisters, the ones come hell or high water are there, the type you can call at 3am and know they would be there for you…I think you get the idea. Well it was Jen M’s birthday and we were having amazing an conversation and food. As I took my last bite and sent a text off, all of a sudden a sharp pain began in my stomach. I thought maybe gas or food poisoning that came on abnormally fast. I insisted they finish dessert and I would go lay in the car and come out whenever they were done. Now, because they are the type of friends I described them as, they grabbed the dessert to go and against my will they rushed me to the emergency department to get checked out.
They stayed with me all night and all the next day. After 36 hours of being up I insisted that they go home, change and shower. Another friend of ours also was so sweet and packed them a lunch so they wouldn’t lose strength trying to stay with me. So with hesitation they did leave to go shower and eat, and I slept as now I was on some crazy heavy meds. Beause they are also the type of friends I said they are, they made sure to get me on video chatting away while high as a kite. I just love them!!!!!

Over the next 3.5 days we laughed, I cried and we created great memories, especially as more people like my Mom and other friends showed up. It turns out my gallbladder wasn’t happy and wanted out. So I had semi-emergency surgery after being in the hospital for 2.5 days. I was calm and really felt peaceful once I got into the operating room, because I knew God was with me and my team was waiting for me. My Mom and Tall Jen bathed me…that’s right my Mom and best friend had to shower me, talk about being in a desperate situation for a shower and taking friendship to a new level. I was thankful to my mom and Tall for taking on this task because I couldn’t do it alone.

My Husband played a very important role also. I insisted he stay at home with the kids. I wanted them to know I was ok and led as normal of a life while I was in the Hospital. This was the first time anything like this had happened to me, So I knew keeping things as regular as possible was key. He did amazing, despite the fact I was in the Hospital, He ran the ship at home. The kids where comforted and felt no need to worry about Mommy, because Daddy was there to keep things stable and as normal as possible. It was so nice not having to worry about where they going to be after school and pick ups etc. He continued to be a help at home while I recover as I can’t lift anything over 10lbs for 4-6 weeks. So laundry was allllll his 😉 He also was holding down his job, working crazy hours while I was in the hospital.

My Mom put her whole week on hold to help care for me. She was awesome at knowing what I needed and ensuring I drank lots of water. She was there to help me up the first time post op and as one of the incisions began to leak from getting up and, as blood ran down my leg she kept me calm. She was there to rub my legs as I cried from a painful needle. She prayed over me, fed my friends and filled the room with laughter and love, in a way that only a Mom can do, even knowing I’m in my mid 30s, I still needed my Mom there.

Tall Jen (She’s the tallest of the Jens, and when 3 of you are named Jen and are best friends, nicknames are a necessity)..this chick who by the way at the time was waiting for her own surgery for a hip tear, slept in a chair and in a busy TV room the night I was recovering from surgery. In the ER she advocated for me to get a room, meds and she even collected my pee sample and carried it around for 20 minutes. She had me laughing so much that after surgery I was crying and holding my incisions. She stepped in and helped out a for the first week I was home recovering on the days Mark had to work. She got the kids up, dressed, fed and off to school the mornings so I didn’t have to. She kept me company, we had naps and binge watched TV.

Jen M…the birthday girl. Well she sacrificed her birthday to be with me. That’s enough there but she was a great purse watcher, ran my phone and communication to everyone. She brought food to the hospital and a meal to our house. She was a much needed cheerleader and a calm in the storm. She dropped everything when we got the call for surgery and showed up before I went in and was there when I got out. She was transportation for my kids to and from school as well when Mark was working.

There was so many people who also played a role with providing meals for the week for my family. Who prayed, visited, called and sent text messages. I am so thankful for each person who called, text, visited and helped out. I completely recovered and thankfully haven’t had any long term side effects that can you can get from not having your gallbladder. The lesson in this is, surround yourself with right type of people. Not because you expect them to drop everything for you, but because in great times and in times of trials they are there for you. You are not meant to do this thing called life alone! Make 2018 a year marked by great relationships. Love those special people in a radical selfless manner and watch how rich your life becomes.

Millier keeping warm, and my Mom taking off my nail polish.