A tribute to my Grandma

Audrey Ruth Hogan. She passed away peacefully on a sunny Tuesday morning, at the age of 93 and 3/4 years old. My Dad made it just in time to spend her last night here on earth with her in a private Hospital room. It was peaceful in there. A few hours before that my Mom came in to see her, she got to give her a proper good-bye as well as so many of her Grandchildren, Kids and Friends. Many tears were shed and no words left unspoken. I wish that when my time comes my family is around me, keeping a vigil at my beside until the Lord comes to take me home. I know that she was unable to speak but holding her hand, rubbing her head, wetting her mouth and speaking things to her she heard it all and felt noting but love.

Growing up she was a strict, not always the lovey dovey type, that’s for sure. She showed love thru baking and having her family in her home. My grandfather passed away 15 years ago and she managed the house by herself until 3 days before she passed. Her wish was to actually pass in her house but that was just not possible. It took a village to keep her in her house but it was an honour to serve her, most days. To say she was set in her ways is an understatement. She often said “I don’t understand how none of these girls (PSWs) know how to make a poached egg?!” I would laugh most days but some days I would say “Grandma they are here to help you, be grateful.” I can laugh now but one night I cooked her dinner and served it with a spoon, she looked at me from her chair and Said: “What’s this?! You don’t eat dinner with a spoon!” I was SO frustrated but now I look back and I’m thankful for those times I got to help her out. I am fortunate that I was the first Grandchild born to her. We traveled to the farm where my Aunt and Uncle lived via Greyhound bus many times. She would say I was her little buddy when I was growing up. She was a woman who hardly showed emotions but yet I didn’t doubt that she loved me. Many times my sister and I would spend weekends playing at her house. So many memories of that place, now will be just that memories, as the house will be sold shortly. It didn’t matter how many people there where she always found room.

In that 2 bedroom house she raised 3 crazy boys. Over the years I have heard stories of how they would chuck the youngest one into the wall as practice for hockey. How she would wax the floors and they would run and slide from the front door to the back. I remember hiding in the pantry that was always full ceiling to floor. That dining room has seen new relationships blossom as they are brought to a family dinner, marriages succeed and fail. Grand-kids and great grand-kids that gathered for Christmas and Easter dinners in that dining room. Sometimes there would be so many of us that some would eat in the kitchen and some in the living room but she loved it. She loved having her family around her especially at the holidays. This Christmas was an extra special one as most of us gathered for what we thought would be her last one. It was stressful for everyone. She was for the most part bed ridden but it didn’t stop her from drilling orders to the kitchen on how to make the turkey, stuffing etC. We said Grandma you may not be cooking this year but there is not a doubt that your hands have made it. It was so nice to have everyone there but deep down we all knew why we made it a priority.

She was blessed with 7 Grandchildren, and 3 Great Grandchildren. She loved us all but man, those Great Grand babies were her favorite. Thankfully both my sister and I made it a point to bring those kids to see her, cause you couldn’t deny how much they made her happy. The last time I brought my kids to see her at the house we had a talk about how “Gigi” was very sleepy and we need to be quiet. When we walked in and my kids went over to give her a kiss her eyes light up and she smiled at them before going back to sleep. My oldest who is 11 made the very brave decision to go to the hospital and say good bye. As a Mom it broke my heart to watch her as she held her hand, told her she was going to miss her and bawled her eyes out at her bedside. As she kissed her good bye my heart broke but I was so very proud of her and how she conducted herself in such an emotional situation. Her level of compassion and composure was beyond what I thought she could handle. We said to her that she was old enough to make that choice to go and I am so glad that we allowed that to happen.

I have learned from her how to cook new dishes that she loved. I mastered poached eggs 😉 that it is not about the size of your house, you can always make room. I learned what it means be a tough cookie, to fight for what you want and not to be pushed around by anyone. To take time to do the things you love and not never stop trying new things. Later on in life she loved to colour and did an amazing job of it!! She taught me the value of family meals not just on holidays but daily. Thursday dinners became a thing that we did with her and she always looked forward to it no matter how she was feeling. It started out last year by her cooking us dinner, then us doing it together to me cooking for all of us. She taught me that life will throw you curve balls but what you do with it is what matters not that its coming for you. She fought to the end for what she wanted and didn’t care who agreed or disagreed with her. Her noodle was sharp until the end and I pray that be the case for me. She was determined and never gave up. She adapted to what life threw at her and never looked backwards. She lived for today cause she would say who knows what tomorrow will bring, how true.

Grandma and I hanging out.

I am thankful for the time I had with her. I’m thankful for her back porch that swung babies, TV that keep them busy and a kitchen that kept their bellies full. I’m thankful for a giant backyard that kept us busy, that hosted parties and summer memories that were made. I’m thankful that she was a gatherer of her family. I don’t know what holidays without her will look like, but I know there will be stories told, dishes of hers used and laughs shared. I know she will be looking down from heaven cheering us on as we cook our different meals in our new holiday norm, teasing me for my lack of cooking abilities but most of all, smiling down on all of us. She made her mark on our lives and I’m so thankful for all the memories. Until me meet again Grandma, love ya!

Until next time, keep on Exploring life.

Jen

Update on Homeschooling

Well, we are back into the swing of life! Big changes in the way we School this year has taken place, or one –  we have a dedicated School room now, yeah!!!!! I LOVE this space. I feel that it allows the kids space to learn and be creative. I made my own bulletin boards for each of the kids complete with some “tips” to help them out as well as reward charts! I am all about the positive affirmations! In this post I will go into more detail as to how the reward charts work and what our homeschooling day typically looks like. One thing I would suggest and have found it to be invaluable is finding someone you can bounce ideas off of and to have some time to have a hang out, with the kids. For me I have formed a new friendship with someone whom we have some similar friends but never really hung out together. Well I am SO THANKFUL for this friendship!!! She is very creative, seems to know all the cool programs and websites and is so fun to hang out with! We both started around the same time homeschooling so we are both figuring this out together, it is also awesome to note that our husbands get along so even double dates have happened, well one double date has happened – but we had so much fun I know many more will happen! We have made it a priority to meet up once a week and go to the library. This is much for us as it is the kids. They get out and get to get new books and continue to learn and well, we get to sit and have a tea, or try to amidst many interruptions by our sweet babies.

Our typical day is pretty straight forward to be honest. We start our day by praying for whatever needs we find to be of importance, right now we are praying for our church’s second campus and a permit we need to get to open our doors! Then our family devotional and journaling. This book is new to our personal library, “Sheila Walsh’s Family Devotions”. Then we switch which one goes first doing their flash cards.  We switch between spelling for Kennedy and math and for Cole sight words and math. Then into the books they go. This year we switched from a computer based program curriculum to books. For Cole I made up a binder for the first 4 weeks which was all review of what we have done last year to make sure that his skills where sharp. Starting next week he is back to his grade 1 Complete Canadian Curriculum book as well as reading 9 pages from a level 1 reader, and 5 pages from a level 2 reader. Spelling is his area of opportunity so his day is heavy in reading. Kennedy is doing a grade 5 Complete math and English smart books as well as a grade 6 Complete Canadian Curriculum book for extra English, spelling, science and socials. She also has a Canadian geography book that gets done 2 times a week. Next month we are going to introduce French. We also signed up for Letters from Afar, I would recommend looking them up on Instagram! Monthly we get a letter from “Isabelle” who is an explorer and it tells of her adventures. We then go and do some research on where she is, some of the local things that are common and then do a small presentation with our friends. It’s a great way to teach them about the world, what other cultures do and also gives them public speaking experience. We have a giant wall map and when we get a new letter we move the arrow to show where Isabelle is for the month we are studying her. We also on the map have an arrow for a friend of ours who travels for Ministry, so the kids can also see how far he travels, where he travels too and gives them a visual of where in the world he is. The kids came up with the idea and I love it.

The reward charts are super fun! The kids each have 2 of them. Kennedy’s 2 are for good behavior/80% on tests and the other is for being patient with her Brother as he reads to her. I felt this was important to teach her patience, to show her that not everyone learns the same as you and to have pride in teaching her Brother how to read. Some days as I watch them, I am so happy I did this and other days I want to call it off! Cole’s 2 are for good behavior and his 2nd one is for reading to Kennedy with a good attitude. Lets be real, siblings don’t really like to work together a whole lot so this has been good for him to learn that his Sister wants to help him and for her to learn how to be gentle and kind in a leadership role while getting your point across. It also for both of them, I feel prepares them for marriage one day, not to each other let me clarify, lol. I often say “listen one day you will be married and that person won’t always make you very happy or might do things to anger you BUT your partners so you have to learn to work through it, speak to each other with kindness and respect so this is a training ground for your future marriages, WORK IT OUT”!! I figure it’s never too young to teach them lessons that will hopefully propel them into the future full of successes, time will tell.

Here are some pictures of what the school room looks like, before it gets messed up in a day.

 

 

 

 

Until next time, keep exploring life.

 

Jen

Moms, love yourself like your kids do!

Dear Moms,

 

Love yourself like your kids love You. Unconditionally. Without reserve, without hesitation for how your hair looks, if You have last nights make up on or if You are still in your pjs because today is hard.  Love yourself from all angles too, not just the Instagram perfect angle with the filter but the naked in front of the mirror natural truth of how You look. It’s important to accept ourselves for how we look now, accept that there are somethings we just can’t change, our height, bone structure etc, but there are some things we can change. I believe a large part that needs to change is our attitude towards ourselves. I have a daughter who I want to grow up with a positive self esteem and that starts with me. What does she see when I’m getting ready, a mom who is critical of her body or a mom who is being complementary towards herself?

 

It may not be in actual words that she hears me but my actions. Do I often look like I don’t care how I look? Do I take time to do my hair, even if all I can do is wash it and brush it. Does she see me put on my make up not to hide flaws but to highlight the beauty that God created me to be? I have to be honest, body image issues has never really been “my thing”, weird I know! I grew up with a Mom who was confident in who she was.  I grew up to know my beauty wasn’t found in how I look, but how I treat others. This doesn’t mean that if You grew with the same type of atmosphere that you too wont have issues but for me, that’s how it was. I also grew up with a physical deformity, You can call it, where in my early 20s I had to have reconstructive surgery to fix the abnormality. So I’m sure that helped me to get over my body image issues.

Now, like I said body image issues havn’t been a big deal in my life until recently.  Why Now God?! I thought that as I got older I would become even more confident not go backwards. So much so, that I was getting ready for Church the other day, I texted a good friend. It wrote something like,  I have my 1st shift in a new ministry and I cant stand how my clothes look on me! She was so kind to say You’re stunning and I am sure You look amazing! If only that made all my yucky feels about myself go away.

 

I left the house feeling like I wanted to hide, that everything was way too tight and I looked awful. How can they be OK with me looking this way, to be a greeter as people come into Church, I mean have they seen how I look?! I choose to walk in the confidence of who God says I am, instead of how I was feeling. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, even though I wasn’t “feeling” like that. I just love how God brings people along in Your life to let You know He hears You. As I was getting ready and beating myself up mentally I thought…”Sarah” hasn’t said a thing to me lately about how I look but when I was loosing weight (I put on 10 lbs of the 30 I lost) it was weekly and now I haven’t heard a thing in months. Well doesn’t “Sarah” pass me, say Hi, and goes on her way. Only to circle back a few minutes later, hugs me as if she knew what I was thinking and says You look fantastic tonight! I wanted to cry!!! Not cause she made me feel amazing but because God cares even about my bad moment of body image issues. He loves to go above and beyond cause I had 3 other people complement me that night. That night highlighted a few things to me. (1) I depend on people’s complements to determine how I feel about myself more then I thought. (2) Clearly I have some self love that I need to work on. (3) Contentment needs to be found in the process, cause that’s what I am in, a process. A process of learning and unlearning things. A process of going from not caring to caring and a process of accepting my mistakes and loving myself like my kids do. My husband DAILY, many times a day, tells me how beautiful I am. I should be walking around with a big head lol. It shows that it goes deeper then just hearing it, You have to believe it about yourself first.

 

As moms we have enough coming at us where we can feel like we are not good enough, that our kids don’t behave well enough, that I’m not Martha Steward, or Jamie Oliver blah blah blah. We need to take a point of view from our kids who say Mama your beautiful, even from the angle of a 6 year old, not the Instagram “perfect” filter, angle, lighting, hair and make up world that we can get caught up in. So Mom’s today, love yourself a bit more like your kids do, and change how You talk to yourself cause You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

The view my 6 year old sees.  My 10 year old’s view and well, make up and filters and just the right light and angle.

 

Until next time,

 

Jen

 

 

We are Homeschooling!! Part 2

So in my previous post I began to tell you how we got to where we are now, Homeschooling. It has been a journey. When I first felt that question pop into my head, why not Homeschooling? to now, it has been 2 years. I began to do research on my own and I knew I would have to present my case (so to speak) to my husband because, to be honest, this was coming out of left field! I began to get excited about setting up our house for Homeschooling in a room on the 2 second floor and all the fun possibilities that could be. Now, thankfully our kids were in an amazing private school, so there was no need right away to act on this, yet another reason it comes out of nowhere! I spoke with Mark about what I felt God was saying, and well, his reaction was one of less then impressed with the idea.  I left it with him and spoke with that friend who I wasn’t so supportive towards. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling and get some input from her. It was now 6 months later and a new school year was fast approaching. I wanted to know what its like to Homeschool, and she suggested we do more research and wait. Gather more information to see if its something I really wanted to do, and Mark and I needed to be on the same page. Well I was discouraged but understood where she was coming from, the timing wasn’t the greatest and it would be rushed.  Mark and I were on board late in the summer, as in August! We were scared, excited and a bit nervous but we knew that this is what we wanted to do, so we decided to jump both feet in and Homeschool this year.

 

We are using an online based curriculum from http://elementaryplanet.com. It has made life easier because I am a planner in many ways but would have no a clue what to use, curriculum wise. It lays it all out and we just help them along the way. Now, we do utilize some paperwork as well. Such as printing for Cole and cursive writing for Kennedy. They also have offline projects to do and sheets we print off to help them along the way. The program isn’t perfect but for the most part it is working for us. Maybe next year we move back to text books and paper, who knows. Really that has been the best part, flexibility! I’m not a huge fan of every day, day in and day out schedules. I get bored of them and find them less then exciting. Now don’t get me wrong, we do have a daily schedule we follow but some days we have field trips with our Homeschooling group or we go out and help my Grandma. If the kids are done early we can go visit family or go to the park, if they’re not done early, well you can image how that goes. Each day is different and brings about its joys and challenges.

 

Remember how I said I don’t edit my blog cause my grammar is awful, well I feel like I’m back in school because Kennedy is in Grade 5 and heavy into grammar in her English work…..borrrrring. I mean you need to learn it sweet girl 😉 Thankfully my husband Mark and I are a team and where I lack He picks up the slack. Some days I just want to yell I DON’T KNOW FIGURE IT OUT! but instead I breathe, sit down, and try to figure it out together. I’m not ashamed to say to her, I don’t get it lets Google it. Even less ashamed to say, wait to ask Daddy when He gets home. Both kids have adjusted well to being home and doing school online. It amazes me to see Cole learning words and spelling!!! He is rocking his program and loving it! Math is totally his thing for sure! Kennedy has had some struggles but it is nice to be able to cheer her on, encourage her and support her to be all she can be. She is doing amazing as well and has taken a liking to cooking, and I’m ok with that. Homeschooling just isn’t about books, its about learning thru experiences. Bringing the books to life, if you will. I look forward to sharing more of our journey, the great and not so great parts because that’s life, not every day is amazing but you can find amazing things in every day.

An afternoon at the local park, chatting with Great Grandma, PJ days and baking cookies. Which is basically, gym, social studies, learning to rest and math. Because Homeschooling is all about life long learning.

 

 

Until next time,

 

Jen