A tribute to my Grandma

Audrey Ruth Hogan. She passed away peacefully on a sunny Tuesday morning, at the age of 93 and 3/4 years old. My Dad made it just in time to spend her last night here on earth with her in a private Hospital room. It was peaceful in there. A few hours before that my Mom came in to see her, she got to give her a proper good-bye as well as so many of her Grandchildren, Kids and Friends. Many tears were shed and no words left unspoken. I wish that when my time comes my family is around me, keeping a vigil at my beside until the Lord comes to take me home. I know that she was unable to speak but holding her hand, rubbing her head, wetting her mouth and speaking things to her she heard it all and felt noting but love.

Growing up she was a strict, not always the lovey dovey type, that’s for sure. She showed love thru baking and having her family in her home. My grandfather passed away 15 years ago and she managed the house by herself until 3 days before she passed. Her wish was to actually pass in her house but that was just not possible. It took a village to keep her in her house but it was an honour to serve her, most days. To say she was set in her ways is an understatement. She often said “I don’t understand how none of these girls (PSWs) know how to make a poached egg?!” I would laugh most days but some days I would say “Grandma they are here to help you, be grateful.” I can laugh now but one night I cooked her dinner and served it with a spoon, she looked at me from her chair and Said: “What’s this?! You don’t eat dinner with a spoon!” I was SO frustrated but now I look back and I’m thankful for those times I got to help her out. I am fortunate that I was the first Grandchild born to her. We traveled to the farm where my Aunt and Uncle lived via Greyhound bus many times. She would say I was her little buddy when I was growing up. She was a woman who hardly showed emotions but yet I didn’t doubt that she loved me. Many times my sister and I would spend weekends playing at her house. So many memories of that place, now will be just that memories, as the house will be sold shortly. It didn’t matter how many people there where she always found room.

In that 2 bedroom house she raised 3 crazy boys. Over the years I have heard stories of how they would chuck the youngest one into the wall as practice for hockey. How she would wax the floors and they would run and slide from the front door to the back. I remember hiding in the pantry that was always full ceiling to floor. That dining room has seen new relationships blossom as they are brought to a family dinner, marriages succeed and fail. Grand-kids and great grand-kids that gathered for Christmas and Easter dinners in that dining room. Sometimes there would be so many of us that some would eat in the kitchen and some in the living room but she loved it. She loved having her family around her especially at the holidays. This Christmas was an extra special one as most of us gathered for what we thought would be her last one. It was stressful for everyone. She was for the most part bed ridden but it didn’t stop her from drilling orders to the kitchen on how to make the turkey, stuffing etC. We said Grandma you may not be cooking this year but there is not a doubt that your hands have made it. It was so nice to have everyone there but deep down we all knew why we made it a priority.

She was blessed with 7 Grandchildren, and 3 Great Grandchildren. She loved us all but man, those Great Grand babies were her favorite. Thankfully both my sister and I made it a point to bring those kids to see her, cause you couldn’t deny how much they made her happy. The last time I brought my kids to see her at the house we had a talk about how “Gigi” was very sleepy and we need to be quiet. When we walked in and my kids went over to give her a kiss her eyes light up and she smiled at them before going back to sleep. My oldest who is 11 made the very brave decision to go to the hospital and say good bye. As a Mom it broke my heart to watch her as she held her hand, told her she was going to miss her and bawled her eyes out at her bedside. As she kissed her good bye my heart broke but I was so very proud of her and how she conducted herself in such an emotional situation. Her level of compassion and composure was beyond what I thought she could handle. We said to her that she was old enough to make that choice to go and I am so glad that we allowed that to happen.

I have learned from her how to cook new dishes that she loved. I mastered poached eggs 😉 that it is not about the size of your house, you can always make room. I learned what it means be a tough cookie, to fight for what you want and not to be pushed around by anyone. To take time to do the things you love and not never stop trying new things. Later on in life she loved to colour and did an amazing job of it!! She taught me the value of family meals not just on holidays but daily. Thursday dinners became a thing that we did with her and she always looked forward to it no matter how she was feeling. It started out last year by her cooking us dinner, then us doing it together to me cooking for all of us. She taught me that life will throw you curve balls but what you do with it is what matters not that its coming for you. She fought to the end for what she wanted and didn’t care who agreed or disagreed with her. Her noodle was sharp until the end and I pray that be the case for me. She was determined and never gave up. She adapted to what life threw at her and never looked backwards. She lived for today cause she would say who knows what tomorrow will bring, how true.

Grandma and I hanging out.

I am thankful for the time I had with her. I’m thankful for her back porch that swung babies, TV that keep them busy and a kitchen that kept their bellies full. I’m thankful for a giant backyard that kept us busy, that hosted parties and summer memories that were made. I’m thankful that she was a gatherer of her family. I don’t know what holidays without her will look like, but I know there will be stories told, dishes of hers used and laughs shared. I know she will be looking down from heaven cheering us on as we cook our different meals in our new holiday norm, teasing me for my lack of cooking abilities but most of all, smiling down on all of us. She made her mark on our lives and I’m so thankful for all the memories. Until me meet again Grandma, love ya!

Until next time, keep on Exploring life.

Jen

A trip of a lifetime, PARIS, FRANCE!

Yep, I got to go to Paris, France. I can’t even type fast enough to tell you how this was such an amazing trip, how a dream came true and how much I cried on the trip! When the pilot said “Welcome to Paris France” I bawled like a baby, I couldn’t make it stop if I tried! I first began to fall in love with Paris when I was in High School. I don’t remember what it was but I wanted to go backpacking to Paris. Due to circumstances it just never happened. Life got busy, mainly I got married, was working full time and had some kids. I have never looked back and thought well, “I wasted those years, I should of traveled but I never let go of the dream to go to Paris.” I wrote a blog a couple of years ago about dreams (You can read it here https://wordpress.com/post/sarookj.wordpress.com/11804 )

Well now fast forward to May 16th, 2018 and I have now just landed in a city I love but have never met. It was like a blind date but I was already in love, head over heels to be honest but yet had never meet this place that I had built up so much in my head. To be honest I was a bit scared that I had made it some big, giant beautiful place that I love, but when I get there what if I don’t think it is what I feel it should be like?! What if it doesn’t live up to my dreams?! What if I’m a bit disappointed by it all?! I never thought that I would hate it but I was worried it wasn’t going to be all that I made it out to be. It’s the day before my 36th birthday and we are boarding the plane. First I’m traveling with one of my best friends so right there it’s going to be a great time. We got our luggage all checked, and now we wait. We walked around the airport, made a phone call to a friend and ate some snacks before getting on the plane. I was a bit worried about the flight, it was the longest flight I have ever been on and my friend doesn’t like to fly. To be honest it was a great flight! We got some good eats, by airplane standards, watched some movies and I slept a broken two hours. Landing was smooth, and now we were in another country.

To be honest the airport was nothing to write home about. Looked no different than the one we left in, other then we couldn’t read the signs now! Oh, and Eiffel towers were everywhere. We managed to get to our Air Bnb apartment, it was SO cute! It was a bit of a journey to get there but once we did, we loved it.  It was very Parisian and every day a fresh market was set up and tore down, the sights and sounds were amazing. Day 1 it was my birthday and we went to the Eiffel and ate the most delicious pasta I have ever had, oh and let me tell you about the Crème brûlée. I’m drooling just thinking about it!

 This is the open air market that was set up everday, it was 4                                                        blocks long!!!!

 

Oh my, this was by far one of the best meals we had!

 

My friend Jen or as we call her, “Tall”. Yes that is really her name, Jen but when 2 of your best friends have the same name as you, you end up with nicknames. So Tall said ” I know you know you’re in Paris BUT it won’t be real until you see the Eiffel Tower”. So we found out how to get there and she was right! I was in awe at this beautiful metal landmark and I couldn’t help but be aware that my mouth may of been hanging open, I was here, IN Paris, dreams DO come true! What kind of tourist would we be if we didn’t enjoy a crepe at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower?! It was full of Nutella, and it was amazing.

 

Day 2 was Notre Dame church, wow that stain glass window is incredible! We walked the Champs-Élysées and seeing the Eiffel Tower at night from a different view. Day 3 was full of fun as well, The Louvre at night, as well at the Montrepasse Tower and of course more food!  Day 4 We also ventured to Versailles and did a river boat tour. Day 5 was a full day of rest, much needed I might add. Day 6 We ventured out to Monet’s Garden, which I can do a whole blog post just about the pure beauty of that place followed by the most amazing pizza at a small restaurant in the area we were living in.

When we had our rest day,  I went out and got us some breakfast and lunch,  croissants and a baguette sandwich, cause I mean what else would one eat in Paris?! We just chilled in our apartment and watched Netflix all day, it was needed and amazing! We also went to the War Museum in Paris and ate some more. We ate a lot, but man did we walk it off, who knew Paris has so many stairs!!!!! There was one last visit to the Eiffel Tower, one more delicious dinner and an early bed time because we headed to London, England the next day. Seven days in Paris was a dream, I often look back at the pictures to make sure I’m in them, because it just seems like a dream that I just haven’t woken up from yet.

Until next time, keep on Exploring Life.

With love,

Jen

What I have learned from the man in the woods part 2

Well thanks for coming back, I have been so absent from the blog not because I don’t enjoy blogging but simply cause I didn’t put it as a priority in my life. SO that is going to change! Well here is part 2 of what I learned from my weekend in the woods with my Dad. If you missed part 1 here is the link https://wordpress.com/post/sarookj.wordpress.com/11981

 

My time with my Dad was something that I will look forward to again this year. What I learned was that, yes I can unplug and just enjoy the surroundings that are around me. It was amazing listening to my Dad talk about when He was growing up and listening to Him talk about his life at this cottage He calls home. It was awesome to listen to Him tell me to just relax, sleep in as long as possible, Ok! It was nice to wake up and my Dad had already made coffee and was outside cleaning up and had already feed the deer. It was cool and rainy while I was there, we still took walks and the rain didn’t bother us. We wandered around and he showed me some of his friends places and the Beaver dam that I had heard Him talk about for a while. It was nice to put an actual view to what I have heard Him speak about for a few years. It was nice to just watch Him enjoy telling me things and showing me around. It was nice to watch Him in His element and the pride He has in His tiny place in the woods. I really enjoyed waking up and walking around, hearing the birds and watching the deer that came to his place a couple times a day. It was peaceful taking my coffee to the covered bridge and watching the ever so slow stream go by. It was nice to just be and watch and absorb and exhale.

I went there at at time when things where out of sorts, upside down and when I found myself crying most of the drive up asking God “why am I in this season?!” I felt very alone, unsure of where relationships where heading and where I felt like my life was imploding back home. I felt like these few short days away, where there was no form of communication other then with my Dad who I felt I hardly knew, to a place I had only heard of was exactly what I needed. God knew I needed it. I had heard of time where people would say I just need to get away and clear my head, I would think, why?! I got it. I got away and cleared my head. I came back more connected with my Dad, and with a clearer view of life back home. What did I learn when I was away?

I learned that its not about “stuff” my Dad lives a very simple life, in a very simple place but I believe He is the happiest I have seen him in years. I learned its important to carve out time for yourself doing what you love. My Dad loves being out in the woods, with his deers and putting around the cottage, I enjoyed taking time to colour in my adult colouring books, I need to do that more. I learned that its not only ok to unplug but you won’t die doing it. You really don’t miss much by unplugging. There would be NO way I could catch up on my Facebook timeline for the 4 days I was away. Guess what? No one said did you see…blah blah blah, I really didn’t miss much. If it was that important then a few people knew how to get a hold of me if need be. I also learned that I do have stuff in common with my Dad and when given the time I can learn from Him. I also learned that God is full of surprises. I learned that my Dad reads his Bible daily  and that he feels a peace and calmness that comes upon Him when he does. I learned to take time out for those that have gone before you because one day they won’t be there and you won’t get the chance to ask them. I also learned, don’t be scared to ask. What is the worst they say, “I don’t want to talk about it!” So you move on, and continue the conversation. Who do you need to let into your life that may of caused pain to you in the past? Of course this comes with boundaries and wisdom as to who that person may be. Life is short and we need to let God move so we need to get out of the way and stop trying to avoid those God given chances to connect with others.

 

Until next time,

Jen

 

 

 

 

 

 

A weekend in the woods with a man I hardly know.

It sounds weird doesn’t it, the choice to spend a weekend in the woods with a man I hardly knew?! Well it’s true I did. It was back in October. I made the drive alone, 5.5 hours away from home, to a place I knew only a little bit about growing up to meet up with Him. The plan was to stay in the city, but I knew how much He loved his little place in the woods. After only a couple of days in the city, I insisted we go to the cottage in the woods. He reminded me that it’s 4.4 km in the woods with no cell reception, no one really around at the base of a mountain. I said I’m excited to see it! Inside I was actually a bit scared to be honest. NO contact with the outside world?! Just him and I in this cottage…While fear ran through my mind, I have never been alone with this man for at least 30 years, what will we talk about? What if there is awkward silence? What if I just hate it and want to go home? Did I mention, what will we talk about?!

Let me give you some history, so that you can understand why I was so nervous to spend time alone with this man in the woods, who is my Dad. My Mom and Dad meet when they were very young, and then when they were not that much older, decided to get married. My mom was 18 and my dad 20 at the time. A year later I was born, and at the time my mom was 19 and 5 days later turned 20. Needless to say, I am to this day, the best birthday gift she has ever received.. Shortly after I was born, things began to change for them. Just like his parents, my Dad got into drinking, and would become violent and miserable. He would go on hunting trips and return whenever He wanted.  They tried to make things work again once my sister came along but by then, my Dad was in deep into drinking and drugs. We moved many times cause of the type of people my dad was in “business” with. From a young age I remember watching my Dad deal drugs, get violent, make and break plans and then one day, he just disappeared. The lifestyle of moving around a lot continued for many years and even included a whole city change when I was 10 years old.

One day I was visiting my Grandmother and She had some company that was over, some family from the Ottawa area. I really feel like this was a moment I will never forget, it was a cool summer day and my 2nd cousin and I were sitting outside on my Grandmothers large swing with the woven plastic cushions. My Cousin said to me “we went to Uncle Mark’s for dinner. Whitney is SO nice and a great cook and the baby is super cute” well uncle Mark was my Dad. I don’t remember acting shocked but I said, Mark as in my Dad?! Keep in mind, He feel off the face of the earth, 6 years ago. My own Grandmother swore up and down to my Mom that She had no idea where Her son, my Dad was. I remember being so hurt, shocked, and yet excited.  As soon as my Mom picked us up She knew something wasn’t right. I told Her what I was told and well, my Grandma got a call and not long after that my Dad called my Mom. It was true He was living in the Ottawa area with Whitney and they had a little Baby. By now I am in grade 8, because life at that age isn’t confusing enough! He ended up coming back to Hamilton for a visit and brought Whitney and the Baby for my Sister and I to meet. After that meeting in the winter, my Mom and Her husband at the time took us to their place and let us stay for a week. My Mom and Her husband stayed in the area for a few days before heading back home to make sure we were ok and comfortable. My sister and I ended up making the journey to our Dad’s for years to come in the winter and summer, but I had never been alone with him. I do have some memories of time with my Dad, doing puzzles, cooking him fake food, and playing in parks but there was always someone else there. My Sister then once I got married, my husband and kids, when we would e visiting him. This was a big step for me, but I knew God had my back.

Part 2 will talk about what it was like being alone with my Dad, and what I learned from him while I was there.

The first picture was after a walk we took in the city, and my Dad explaining to me about the mushrooms that where growing in the park. The 2nd one is of the deer at the cottage that come 2 times a day for apples, Mama and Jr.

 

Until next time,

 

Jen

 

 

 

 

 

Moms, love yourself like your kids do!

Dear Moms,

 

Love yourself like your kids love You. Unconditionally. Without reserve, without hesitation for how your hair looks, if You have last nights make up on or if You are still in your pjs because today is hard.  Love yourself from all angles too, not just the Instagram perfect angle with the filter but the naked in front of the mirror natural truth of how You look. It’s important to accept ourselves for how we look now, accept that there are somethings we just can’t change, our height, bone structure etc, but there are some things we can change. I believe a large part that needs to change is our attitude towards ourselves. I have a daughter who I want to grow up with a positive self esteem and that starts with me. What does she see when I’m getting ready, a mom who is critical of her body or a mom who is being complementary towards herself?

 

It may not be in actual words that she hears me but my actions. Do I often look like I don’t care how I look? Do I take time to do my hair, even if all I can do is wash it and brush it. Does she see me put on my make up not to hide flaws but to highlight the beauty that God created me to be? I have to be honest, body image issues has never really been “my thing”, weird I know! I grew up with a Mom who was confident in who she was.  I grew up to know my beauty wasn’t found in how I look, but how I treat others. This doesn’t mean that if You grew with the same type of atmosphere that you too wont have issues but for me, that’s how it was. I also grew up with a physical deformity, You can call it, where in my early 20s I had to have reconstructive surgery to fix the abnormality. So I’m sure that helped me to get over my body image issues.

Now, like I said body image issues havn’t been a big deal in my life until recently.  Why Now God?! I thought that as I got older I would become even more confident not go backwards. So much so, that I was getting ready for Church the other day, I texted a good friend. It wrote something like,  I have my 1st shift in a new ministry and I cant stand how my clothes look on me! She was so kind to say You’re stunning and I am sure You look amazing! If only that made all my yucky feels about myself go away.

 

I left the house feeling like I wanted to hide, that everything was way too tight and I looked awful. How can they be OK with me looking this way, to be a greeter as people come into Church, I mean have they seen how I look?! I choose to walk in the confidence of who God says I am, instead of how I was feeling. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, even though I wasn’t “feeling” like that. I just love how God brings people along in Your life to let You know He hears You. As I was getting ready and beating myself up mentally I thought…”Sarah” hasn’t said a thing to me lately about how I look but when I was loosing weight (I put on 10 lbs of the 30 I lost) it was weekly and now I haven’t heard a thing in months. Well doesn’t “Sarah” pass me, say Hi, and goes on her way. Only to circle back a few minutes later, hugs me as if she knew what I was thinking and says You look fantastic tonight! I wanted to cry!!! Not cause she made me feel amazing but because God cares even about my bad moment of body image issues. He loves to go above and beyond cause I had 3 other people complement me that night. That night highlighted a few things to me. (1) I depend on people’s complements to determine how I feel about myself more then I thought. (2) Clearly I have some self love that I need to work on. (3) Contentment needs to be found in the process, cause that’s what I am in, a process. A process of learning and unlearning things. A process of going from not caring to caring and a process of accepting my mistakes and loving myself like my kids do. My husband DAILY, many times a day, tells me how beautiful I am. I should be walking around with a big head lol. It shows that it goes deeper then just hearing it, You have to believe it about yourself first.

 

As moms we have enough coming at us where we can feel like we are not good enough, that our kids don’t behave well enough, that I’m not Martha Steward, or Jamie Oliver blah blah blah. We need to take a point of view from our kids who say Mama your beautiful, even from the angle of a 6 year old, not the Instagram “perfect” filter, angle, lighting, hair and make up world that we can get caught up in. So Mom’s today, love yourself a bit more like your kids do, and change how You talk to yourself cause You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

The view my 6 year old sees.  My 10 year old’s view and well, make up and filters and just the right light and angle.

 

Until next time,

 

Jen

 

 

When a dream comes true!!! Part 2 of reminders

If you are new to following me, welcome!!! I want to share a post that I put out in April 2015, because it all ties back to now. You can read it here…. 

 

So as you can tell by that one, a dream is coming true. In May I get to go to…….PARIS, FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had time to process this, but my excitement has not wavered. It has been a dream for as long as I can remember. Even now to talk about it just seems crazy and unreal. It likely won’t be until I am on the airplane that it will hit me, I”M GOING TO PARIS. I imagine it will be like when I was 30 and went to Disney World for the 1st time. Tears and disbelief that I was actually there, and not watching a movie or dreaming in any way. One of the best parts is, I get to go with one of my best friends. That’s right a girls trip to Paris, good thing we don’t drink because that sounds like a trailer for a chick flick gone bad where we end up in jail.

I remember not that long ago sitting in my living room staring at a metal Eiffel tower (that sits on my coffee table to this day) and her and I talking about how we would one day go to Paris. How we would create fun memories there and just enjoy our time taking in the sites and sounds of the city. How we wouldn’t rush but rather take time and just be present. Not to live the trip behind a lens of a camera or be super strict with a schedule. Rather sit on the lawn of the Parc du Champ de Mars with cheese, baguette and journals and just take it all in. Now don’t get me wrong we will see things, lots of things like Monet’s garden, the Louvre, the Eiffel tower both day and night and Notre Dame.

 

All this to say, YES dreams do come true! I can’t lie and say I didn’t cry when I was told that a dream I have had since I was a teen was coming to pass. Because for me there have been many dreams that have YET to be realized that I have held onto, and this was a big one. I am so thankful for the God I love and serve because He is able to go above and beyond what I could of imagined would happen. Ephesians 3:20 mentions this when Paul writes “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…” This is just the beginning of what is to come, I can feel it. Some of those other dreams, well the Phantom of the Opera is one, its coming to Toronto in June, who knows what God has up his sleeves to make that one happen! I also have a dream to go to South Africa on a missions trip. I dream to see my Husband and I travel full time as our jobs in a ministry setting. Not every dream is just handed to you to fulfill, there is work involved. Saving money, prayer and speaking about those dreams to people who will encourage you in them and yes sometimes they are handed to you to just enjoy. So many dreams and a big God who can make it all happen. Now sometimes we have dreams and we let them die, well I say, resurrect them, bring them to a place where you can see what your dreaming about. Put reminders as encouragement and motivation around your place. That friend that I’m going with, Her and I would sit around and talk about the smell of the fresh bakery in the morning and the look of the Eiffel tower at night, get the idea? We spoke as those it already was happening, when in reality it looked like it wouldn’t for at least 20 years. Don’t ever let your dreams die because they where placed there for a reason by a God who loves you intimately, even before you know Him.

Until next time,

 

Jen

 

Reminders…Part 1

I wanted to repost this blog cause there will be a follow up to this post that originally was written and published in 2015. Cant wait to fill you in!!!!!

 

I’m a big fan of dreaming!!! I dream one day where we won’t have to save for a simple thing but just have the money. I dream big dreams, like going to Paris France. I have other big dreams of places but if I had to only choose one, Paris is what I dream of. I have figured out how much it will cost to go, I have reminders in my house and a Pintrest board. These reminders keep my dream alive and fresh.

James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

You may say what does a trip have to do with that scripture?! Well the truth is that I without a doubt know God is going to provide the trip. I don’t know how, or when but I believe. It may come in the way of a friend saying come along I have paid for you (I dream of my reaction, my excitement and the adventure we would have). Maybe an inheritance that causes us to afford it or maybe just maybe God has other plans as to how I will get there. I believe, just like having scripture around the house speaks to your spirit, having visual reminders around also speaks to your spirit. Mine leaps when I see reminders all around.

There is one other picture we keep around our house. That little boy in a candy shop reminds us that God is faithful and loves to give great gifts. So I go boldly before God and say, however you wish it to come I shall receive. God loves to love on us and bless us when we are faithful to Him.

This picture hangs in our living room.

Psalms 37:4 NLT
Take delight in the lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires.

This hangs on our fridge.

What are the reminders you keep around about a dream you have??

A gift that keeps on giving this year.

This holiday season was extra special or many reasons but one of the big reasons was my husband didn’t have to work on Christmas day!!! It was only the 2nd time in 6 years, Hospital life! This year I decided to go out of my comfort zone and make a gift. I had seen it on many Pintrest pins, the 365 Jar. I thought at first it would be a challenge to make but I had lots of time before Christmas so it should be a breeze, hahahahhahahaha, famous last words! So if you don’t know what a 365 Jar is, it is a Jar ( duh) that you fill with 365 different papers. You have 5 different colours which each represent a topic. So I did white for Bible scriptures, blue for memories, teal for words of encouragement, pink for quotes about love and yellow was things I love about him. Doesn’t sound so bad does it?, until you do the math. Each colour topic has to have 73 papers with it. SO 73 things I love about him, 73 memories etc. It was hard towards the end cause I felt like I was running out of memories or like I was repeating love quotes. Thankfully there are over 100 scriptures about love!

My love language is gifts, so I find it super fun and easy to buy gifts for others. (If you haven’t heard of the 5 Love Languages Google it, they also have one for kids) My husband on the other hand is physical affection and words of encouragement. So I knew this gift would just hit him in the emotions, and it did! I got the reaction I was expecting, tears! I know, how mean of me to expect tears but sometimes that’s how I measure how “good” a gift is. So for Mark to have his own jar I knew would mean a lot to him. A whole year of words that mean something to him. Each day it’s super fun to see what one gets pulled out of the jar. Some we share with the kids and others not so much because those memories are better kept just between us. I tried to make it as much of “me” as possible by throwing in some funny things and just as much of him by putting in super mushy things.

I had to dig deep to make sure this project got completed. When it came to memories it was super fun to go and look at old photos, Facebook posts and memories from our times together. 14 years is a lot of memories to try and record. It was fun to relive in my memory some of the old memories such as our 1st house. How excited I was to sleep in our 1st house that we bought together that I insisted we sleep on our hardwood floors the night before we moved all our furniture into the house. It wasn’t a great sleep but its a special memory we have. Telling him 73 reasons why I love him, such as, now this is very me…kills bugs!!!! Scriptures to encourage him like Lamentations 3:22-26 and my favorite love quotes. This one I laughed at and he felt the need to share with a close friend who is sensitive like him. “I might not be your 1st kiss, 1st love or 1st date but I want to be your last everything”. Thanks to Pintrest for that one! I just laugh when he reads it but it truly warms his heart. Its funny thought, cause I love Nicholas Sparks films, the girly of the girly films but to live it out, not so much.

 

I am so happy that I choose to take on this challenge because it’s easy to buy a gift, but one that is made especially from such a big project I feel speaks way more to the receiver. This gift I know will be something that He will treasure for years to come. It is a type of gift that our kids will remember in years to come. It is a type of gift that on hard days it will be a light in the darkness. The type of gift that goes beyond this year.  So with the start of a New Year, Birthdays come up and we all know how quickly Christmas can creep up, start thinking about a gift that goes beyond a store and dig a little deeper. I’m already thinking of this years gift!

That’s what 365 papers all written out look like. I seen 3 am, 2 days in a row to make sure it got completed. It was a photo finish!

 

Until next time,

 

Jen

Thankful

I wanted to share something I got to witness first hand. What is it that I got to see? Well, it’s something sadly we don’t see often, almost a lost concept to some. What I saw was many people putting their lives aside to care for another person. That other person was me! The ones who laid their lives aside were my family and friends.  This was almost a year ago and the impact that it had on me has stuck with me, and I wanted to share it with you.
It all began as a nice fun night out with 2 of my best friends, also named Jen. These are my “ride or die” friends, my squad, my chosen sisters, the ones come hell or high water are there, the type you can call at 3am and know they would be there for you…I think you get the idea. Well it was Jen M’s birthday and we were having amazing an conversation and food. As I took my last bite and sent a text off, all of a sudden a sharp pain began in my stomach. I thought maybe gas or food poisoning that came on abnormally fast. I insisted they finish dessert and I would go lay in the car and come out whenever they were done. Now, because they are the type of friends I described them as, they grabbed the dessert to go and against my will they rushed me to the emergency department to get checked out.
They stayed with me all night and all the next day. After 36 hours of being up I insisted that they go home, change and shower. Another friend of ours also was so sweet and packed them a lunch so they wouldn’t lose strength trying to stay with me. So with hesitation they did leave to go shower and eat, and I slept as now I was on some crazy heavy meds. Beause they are also the type of friends I said they are, they made sure to get me on video chatting away while high as a kite. I just love them!!!!!

Over the next 3.5 days we laughed, I cried and we created great memories, especially as more people like my Mom and other friends showed up. It turns out my gallbladder wasn’t happy and wanted out. So I had semi-emergency surgery after being in the hospital for 2.5 days. I was calm and really felt peaceful once I got into the operating room, because I knew God was with me and my team was waiting for me. My Mom and Tall Jen bathed me…that’s right my Mom and best friend had to shower me, talk about being in a desperate situation for a shower and taking friendship to a new level. I was thankful to my mom and Tall for taking on this task because I couldn’t do it alone.

My Husband played a very important role also. I insisted he stay at home with the kids. I wanted them to know I was ok and led as normal of a life while I was in the Hospital. This was the first time anything like this had happened to me, So I knew keeping things as regular as possible was key. He did amazing, despite the fact I was in the Hospital, He ran the ship at home. The kids where comforted and felt no need to worry about Mommy,  because Daddy was there to keep things stable and as normal as possible. It was so nice not having to worry about where they going to be after school and pick ups etc. He continued to be a help at home while I recover as I can’t lift anything over 10lbs for 4-6 weeks. So laundry was allllll his 😉 He also was holding down his job, working crazy hours while I was in the hospital.

My Mom put her whole week on hold to help care for me. She was awesome at knowing what I needed and ensuring I drank lots of water. She was there to help me up the first time post op and as one of the incisions began to leak from getting up and, as blood ran down my leg she kept me calm. She was there to rub my legs as I cried from a painful needle. She prayed over me, fed my friends and filled the room with laughter and love, in a way that only a Mom can do, even knowing I’m in my mid 30s, I still needed my Mom there.

Tall Jen (She’s the tallest of the Jens, and when 3 of you are named Jen and are best friends, nicknames are a necessity)..this chick who by the way at the time was waiting for her own surgery for a hip tear, slept in a chair and in a busy TV room the night I was recovering from surgery. In the ER she advocated for me to get a room, meds and she even collected my pee sample and carried it around for 20 minutes. She had me laughing so much that after surgery I was crying and holding my incisions. She stepped in and helped out a for the first week I was home recovering on the days Mark had to work. She got the kids up, dressed, fed and off to school the mornings so I didn’t have to. She kept me company, we had naps and binge watched TV.

Jen M…the birthday girl. Well she sacrificed her birthday to be with me. That’s enough there but she was a great purse watcher, ran my phone and communication to everyone. She brought food to the hospital and a meal to our house. She was a much needed cheerleader and a calm in the storm. She dropped everything when we got the call for surgery and showed up before I went in and was there when I got out. She was transportation for my kids to and from school as well when Mark was working.

There was so many people who also played a role with providing meals for the week for my family. Who prayed, visited, called and sent text messages. I am so thankful for each person who called, text, visited and helped out. I completely recovered and thankfully haven’t had any long term side effects that can you can get from not having your gallbladder. The lesson in this is, surround yourself with right type of people. Not because you expect them to drop everything for you, but because in great times and in times of trials they are there for you. You are not meant to do this thing called life alone! Make 2018 a year marked by great relationships. Love those special people in a radical selfless manner and watch how rich your life becomes.

Millier keeping warm,  and my Mom taking off my nail polish.

My day nurse, Tall Jen

Some flowers I got!

One of the many dinners we received.

Nap time! Taking care of me is exhausting 😉