Hello, again.

Well it’s been a while since I last blogged. I didn’t want to write for the sake of writing nor did I even know what to write about.

So if you’re new here to my little part of the world, welcome!! I’m happy you’re here. Many things have changed since my last time, the biggest being my geographic location. My family and I including my mom moved from Ontario to New Brunswick. For those who don’t know their Canadian geography that’s 2 provinces over. 16 hours away from where we came from. We knew no one but felt called here. Don’t worry there will be more talks about that later.

For now I just wanted to reintroduce myself, let you know I’m here and can’t wait to share more with you.

Until next time,

Jen

Moms, love yourself like your kids do!

Dear Moms,

 

Love yourself like your kids love You. Unconditionally. Without reserve, without hesitation for how your hair looks, if You have last nights make up on or if You are still in your pjs because today is hard.  Love yourself from all angles too, not just the Instagram perfect angle with the filter but the naked in front of the mirror natural truth of how You look. It’s important to accept ourselves for how we look now, accept that there are somethings we just can’t change, our height, bone structure etc, but there are some things we can change. I believe a large part that needs to change is our attitude towards ourselves. I have a daughter who I want to grow up with a positive self esteem and that starts with me. What does she see when I’m getting ready, a mom who is critical of her body or a mom who is being complementary towards herself?

 

It may not be in actual words that she hears me but my actions. Do I often look like I don’t care how I look? Do I take time to do my hair, even if all I can do is wash it and brush it. Does she see me put on my make up not to hide flaws but to highlight the beauty that God created me to be? I have to be honest, body image issues has never really been “my thing”, weird I know! I grew up with a Mom who was confident in who she was.  I grew up to know my beauty wasn’t found in how I look, but how I treat others. This doesn’t mean that if You grew with the same type of atmosphere that you too wont have issues but for me, that’s how it was. I also grew up with a physical deformity, You can call it, where in my early 20s I had to have reconstructive surgery to fix the abnormality. So I’m sure that helped me to get over my body image issues.

Now, like I said body image issues havn’t been a big deal in my life until recently.  Why Now God?! I thought that as I got older I would become even more confident not go backwards. So much so, that I was getting ready for Church the other day, I texted a good friend. It wrote something like,  I have my 1st shift in a new ministry and I cant stand how my clothes look on me! She was so kind to say You’re stunning and I am sure You look amazing! If only that made all my yucky feels about myself go away.

 

I left the house feeling like I wanted to hide, that everything was way too tight and I looked awful. How can they be OK with me looking this way, to be a greeter as people come into Church, I mean have they seen how I look?! I choose to walk in the confidence of who God says I am, instead of how I was feeling. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, even though I wasn’t “feeling” like that. I just love how God brings people along in Your life to let You know He hears You. As I was getting ready and beating myself up mentally I thought…”Sarah” hasn’t said a thing to me lately about how I look but when I was loosing weight (I put on 10 lbs of the 30 I lost) it was weekly and now I haven’t heard a thing in months. Well doesn’t “Sarah” pass me, say Hi, and goes on her way. Only to circle back a few minutes later, hugs me as if she knew what I was thinking and says You look fantastic tonight! I wanted to cry!!! Not cause she made me feel amazing but because God cares even about my bad moment of body image issues. He loves to go above and beyond cause I had 3 other people complement me that night. That night highlighted a few things to me. (1) I depend on people’s complements to determine how I feel about myself more then I thought. (2) Clearly I have some self love that I need to work on. (3) Contentment needs to be found in the process, cause that’s what I am in, a process. A process of learning and unlearning things. A process of going from not caring to caring and a process of accepting my mistakes and loving myself like my kids do. My husband DAILY, many times a day, tells me how beautiful I am. I should be walking around with a big head lol. It shows that it goes deeper then just hearing it, You have to believe it about yourself first.

 

As moms we have enough coming at us where we can feel like we are not good enough, that our kids don’t behave well enough, that I’m not Martha Steward, or Jamie Oliver blah blah blah. We need to take a point of view from our kids who say Mama your beautiful, even from the angle of a 6 year old, not the Instagram “perfect” filter, angle, lighting, hair and make up world that we can get caught up in. So Mom’s today, love yourself a bit more like your kids do, and change how You talk to yourself cause You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

The view my 6 year old sees.  My 10 year old’s view and well, make up and filters and just the right light and angle.

 

Until next time,

 

Jen

 

 

A gift that keeps on giving this year.

This holiday season was extra special or many reasons but one of the big reasons was my husband didn’t have to work on Christmas day!!! It was only the 2nd time in 6 years, Hospital life! This year I decided to go out of my comfort zone and make a gift. I had seen it on many Pintrest pins, the 365 Jar. I thought at first it would be a challenge to make but I had lots of time before Christmas so it should be a breeze, hahahahhahahaha, famous last words! So if you don’t know what a 365 Jar is, it is a Jar ( duh) that you fill with 365 different papers. You have 5 different colours which each represent a topic. So I did white for Bible scriptures, blue for memories, teal for words of encouragement, pink for quotes about love and yellow was things I love about him. Doesn’t sound so bad does it?, until you do the math. Each colour topic has to have 73 papers with it. SO 73 things I love about him, 73 memories etc. It was hard towards the end cause I felt like I was running out of memories or like I was repeating love quotes. Thankfully there are over 100 scriptures about love!

My love language is gifts, so I find it super fun and easy to buy gifts for others. (If you haven’t heard of the 5 Love Languages Google it, they also have one for kids) My husband on the other hand is physical affection and words of encouragement. So I knew this gift would just hit him in the emotions, and it did! I got the reaction I was expecting, tears! I know, how mean of me to expect tears but sometimes that’s how I measure how “good” a gift is. So for Mark to have his own jar I knew would mean a lot to him. A whole year of words that mean something to him. Each day it’s super fun to see what one gets pulled out of the jar. Some we share with the kids and others not so much because those memories are better kept just between us. I tried to make it as much of “me” as possible by throwing in some funny things and just as much of him by putting in super mushy things.

I had to dig deep to make sure this project got completed. When it came to memories it was super fun to go and look at old photos, Facebook posts and memories from our times together. 14 years is a lot of memories to try and record. It was fun to relive in my memory some of the old memories such as our 1st house. How excited I was to sleep in our 1st house that we bought together that I insisted we sleep on our hardwood floors the night before we moved all our furniture into the house. It wasn’t a great sleep but its a special memory we have. Telling him 73 reasons why I love him, such as, now this is very me…kills bugs!!!! Scriptures to encourage him like Lamentations 3:22-26 and my favorite love quotes. This one I laughed at and he felt the need to share with a close friend who is sensitive like him. “I might not be your 1st kiss, 1st love or 1st date but I want to be your last everything”. Thanks to Pintrest for that one! I just laugh when he reads it but it truly warms his heart. Its funny thought, cause I love Nicholas Sparks films, the girly of the girly films but to live it out, not so much.

 

I am so happy that I choose to take on this challenge because it’s easy to buy a gift, but one that is made especially from such a big project I feel speaks way more to the receiver. This gift I know will be something that He will treasure for years to come. It is a type of gift that our kids will remember in years to come. It is a type of gift that on hard days it will be a light in the darkness. The type of gift that goes beyond this year.  So with the start of a New Year, Birthdays come up and we all know how quickly Christmas can creep up, start thinking about a gift that goes beyond a store and dig a little deeper. I’m already thinking of this years gift!

That’s what 365 papers all written out look like. I seen 3 am, 2 days in a row to make sure it got completed. It was a photo finish!

 

Until next time,

 

Jen

Thankful

I wanted to share something I got to witness first hand. What is it that I got to see? Well, it’s something sadly we don’t see often, almost a lost concept to some. What I saw was many people putting their lives aside to care for another person. That other person was me! The ones who laid their lives aside were my family and friends.  This was almost a year ago and the impact that it had on me has stuck with me, and I wanted to share it with you.
It all began as a nice fun night out with 2 of my best friends, also named Jen. These are my “ride or die” friends, my squad, my chosen sisters, the ones come hell or high water are there, the type you can call at 3am and know they would be there for you…I think you get the idea. Well it was Jen M’s birthday and we were having amazing an conversation and food. As I took my last bite and sent a text off, all of a sudden a sharp pain began in my stomach. I thought maybe gas or food poisoning that came on abnormally fast. I insisted they finish dessert and I would go lay in the car and come out whenever they were done. Now, because they are the type of friends I described them as, they grabbed the dessert to go and against my will they rushed me to the emergency department to get checked out.
They stayed with me all night and all the next day. After 36 hours of being up I insisted that they go home, change and shower. Another friend of ours also was so sweet and packed them a lunch so they wouldn’t lose strength trying to stay with me. So with hesitation they did leave to go shower and eat, and I slept as now I was on some crazy heavy meds. Beause they are also the type of friends I said they are, they made sure to get me on video chatting away while high as a kite. I just love them!!!!!

Over the next 3.5 days we laughed, I cried and we created great memories, especially as more people like my Mom and other friends showed up. It turns out my gallbladder wasn’t happy and wanted out. So I had semi-emergency surgery after being in the hospital for 2.5 days. I was calm and really felt peaceful once I got into the operating room, because I knew God was with me and my team was waiting for me. My Mom and Tall Jen bathed me…that’s right my Mom and best friend had to shower me, talk about being in a desperate situation for a shower and taking friendship to a new level. I was thankful to my mom and Tall for taking on this task because I couldn’t do it alone.

My Husband played a very important role also. I insisted he stay at home with the kids. I wanted them to know I was ok and led as normal of a life while I was in the Hospital. This was the first time anything like this had happened to me, So I knew keeping things as regular as possible was key. He did amazing, despite the fact I was in the Hospital, He ran the ship at home. The kids where comforted and felt no need to worry about Mommy,  because Daddy was there to keep things stable and as normal as possible. It was so nice not having to worry about where they going to be after school and pick ups etc. He continued to be a help at home while I recover as I can’t lift anything over 10lbs for 4-6 weeks. So laundry was allllll his 😉 He also was holding down his job, working crazy hours while I was in the hospital.

My Mom put her whole week on hold to help care for me. She was awesome at knowing what I needed and ensuring I drank lots of water. She was there to help me up the first time post op and as one of the incisions began to leak from getting up and, as blood ran down my leg she kept me calm. She was there to rub my legs as I cried from a painful needle. She prayed over me, fed my friends and filled the room with laughter and love, in a way that only a Mom can do, even knowing I’m in my mid 30s, I still needed my Mom there.

Tall Jen (She’s the tallest of the Jens, and when 3 of you are named Jen and are best friends, nicknames are a necessity)..this chick who by the way at the time was waiting for her own surgery for a hip tear, slept in a chair and in a busy TV room the night I was recovering from surgery. In the ER she advocated for me to get a room, meds and she even collected my pee sample and carried it around for 20 minutes. She had me laughing so much that after surgery I was crying and holding my incisions. She stepped in and helped out a for the first week I was home recovering on the days Mark had to work. She got the kids up, dressed, fed and off to school the mornings so I didn’t have to. She kept me company, we had naps and binge watched TV.

Jen M…the birthday girl. Well she sacrificed her birthday to be with me. That’s enough there but she was a great purse watcher, ran my phone and communication to everyone. She brought food to the hospital and a meal to our house. She was a much needed cheerleader and a calm in the storm. She dropped everything when we got the call for surgery and showed up before I went in and was there when I got out. She was transportation for my kids to and from school as well when Mark was working.

There was so many people who also played a role with providing meals for the week for my family. Who prayed, visited, called and sent text messages. I am so thankful for each person who called, text, visited and helped out. I completely recovered and thankfully haven’t had any long term side effects that can you can get from not having your gallbladder. The lesson in this is, surround yourself with right type of people. Not because you expect them to drop everything for you, but because in great times and in times of trials they are there for you. You are not meant to do this thing called life alone! Make 2018 a year marked by great relationships. Love those special people in a radical selfless manner and watch how rich your life becomes.

Millier keeping warm,  and my Mom taking off my nail polish.

My day nurse, Tall Jen

Some flowers I got!

One of the many dinners we received.

Nap time! Taking care of me is exhausting 😉

Staring down at a new season pt2

Come September my little guy goes to school and I re-enter the workforce. I know the 1st day of school will be emotional but what happenes the days and weeks to follow is what scares, worries and makes my heart sad and excited. I am thankful that I will be able to make money, work with adults and know my kids education is top notch. That makes it easier but its the days that my kids are sick and I won’t be the one to comfort them like I could before, the school trips that I will have to coordinate in a new way and face the reality that I won’t be able to go on every trip like before. I won’t be the one to greet them after school, but they will be in the care of someone else. I won’t be the 1st one who gets to hear about their highs and lows for the day, to be the homework enforcer or at the dinner table every night.

With all these changes comes a peace, I will admit along with lots of tears, knowing just like before when I worked full time God takes care of it all. I knew at some point this season would end but, it seemed to creep up on me. Don’t get me wrong I am very excited about going to work! It will be nice to have to get all dolled up, meet new people, develop new relationships and contribute financially to our household. I am excited to plan a family vacation for next year, to be able to give more to people in need, to pay down debt and to feel less of a burden when an expense comes up. I will say though, I wouldn’t change what has happened in the last 4 years. We have learned alot about each other, what we can live without and overall God is in control and life really is better with less!!! I know it will be a transition for all of us but I know God has called us into a new season.

Now that I’m staring down at a new time it makes me really realize that the days are long but the years are short. We often say before we know it they will be off in college and getting married and wow is that ever true! It seems like just yesterday we where planning the arrival of our 2nd child and now he is off to school in 6 weeks and turning 4! My oldest I feel is 7 going on 17 but I’m finding joy even in the girl drama. As kids we can’t wait to be teenagers, teenagers can’t wait to be adults, adults can’t wait to get married and have kids(if that’s your desire) and then as adults we want it all back. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and feel I didn’t let me kids interrupt me cause I was so busy being an adult that I missed building Legos, playing dolls, colouring or playing in the park. I want to soak it all in cause just like that newborn baby smell it all goes away one day, too quickly. Enjoy today, live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Making memories and sand castles at the beach!

Walking to school to pick up his sister.

Starting down at a new season.pt1

Relief, tears, and alot of how is this going to work?! is what goes on in my mind during the day. See this month marks exactly 4 years ago I said good bye to my job and Hello full time motherhood. I entered into this season with high hopes, fantasy like dreams and alot of unknowns. I only really raised my first kid for a year then most of it was done by amazing babysitters. I was a part time Mom but a full time employee. The second one rolls around and now I’m the one who has full responsibility. How I wish I had the first one full time to raise cause nothing could prepare me for him. I am so very thankful for this season thou, I have grown as a Mom, Wife and Woman. I have learned patience in a new way, its ok to be the Mom in WalMart with a screaming child and a sick kid can only be healed by prayer and lots of cuggles(that’s what we call cuddles in this house) from a Mama.

Now it’s time to move on. My reality has been for 4 years, if I can find childcare to hang out with my friends during the week at a cottage, I’m free, or I don’t want to put on clothes today, PJ day would be claimed for the day! I knew as the school year drew to a close this was my last summer of “freedom” and I planned on making the most of it. I feel we have had a great summer so far, park time, hikes, sleepovers at Nana and Papa’s house…oh how I love summer days! I’m planning a beach day this week because we can! I just find it hard to wrap my mind around the fact it’s almost 1/2 over!!!

When life doesn’t add up!

When I got married I had a husband who worked 9-5 Mon-Fri. Life was predictable and ideal. We didn’t have kids so oh the glory days of sitting down for dinner just the two of us. Fast forward 6 yrs,1 kid at the time and he now works an on call only job. Now picture this, I’m in line at a grocery store, buggy full of food and he calls saying I got called into work I need you home now!! So much for the groceries.

This was not what I signed up for! I had a 9-5 working husband not a drop everything now cause I got a call to work husband. A few weekends ago my mighty man worked 20hrs in 1 day!!! Slept the whole next day, then on the 3rd day worked 12 hours and still has 3 more days of work to go this week! Do I complain? NO, God created Him to be a provider, and He is!!! That weekend was not ideal for him to work that much, my daughter had 2 birthday parties, a friend come over to play, I had a meeting which I don’t brig my kids to as a rule, and to top it all off I fit in a 3hr visit in to the ER cause I got my 1st ever ear infection while being a single Mom for 3 days! I complained about my ear but not the amount of work my husband was putting in.

I think sometimes we get caught up in how we think life “should” look and miss the opportunity to enjoy how it is. I believe life would be like trying to swim up a river if I didn’t accept this IS my life and I will make the most of it. So the day my mighty man of provision worked 20hrs, well family time was the 30 mins in the car driving him from one location to the next. My kids will remember those times where in the mist of life we made the most of it. Life doesn’t have a perfect way, we just get a perfect perspective. So wives encourage your hard working men who provide for your family, build them up and most of all THANK them!!

Family time, saying goodbye to Daddy who now was going in for a 12hr overnight shift!

Faithful

I’m a faithful wife, I do what I can to make myself better. Read books, have intentional alone time with my husband, find what speaks to his heart to make his life better. I am a faithful mother. I spend time with my kids, get down on the floor and play, act silly and hopefully instill manners and a good sense of self worth in them. I’m faithful to my friends. I spend time, encourage, have fun and learn from them. I’m faithful to my church. I volunteer my time in a few different areas. Faithful to paying our tithes. These are all good things but, I want to talk about someone who is completely, selfishly, all out faithful beyond anything we can comprehend, God!

Mark and I have not had an easy road in our ten years together. We met, feel in love and its been a whirlwind ever since. I would not change anything because then we wouldn’t be where we are today. We have made mistakes, but God has been faithful. We have gotten ourselves into debt that we are digging ourselves out of but God has been faithful to us even in our mess. He has blessed us with many things. We have an older van that sadly wasn’t going to pass an etest so we couldn’t get our license sticker for this year. We took it to our mechanic who gave us sad news, it was going to cost us more then the van is worth to fix it. We had no choice but to get a new car. We knew the price of gas on a van plus payments was not an option for us right now. So we decided to go with a smaller car, much less on gas and reliable!

The hunt began and the stress level went up!!! In the end after spread sheets, looking at the high gloss brochures and several conversations, we narrowed it down to 2. On Saturday we knew it was the day we had to make a choice. After a lot of back and forth, being picky about EVERYTHING we had made a choice. To make this already long story shorter, God showed up on our behalf. We knew what our budget was and what we could afford. We also had month end on our side. The 2 sales guys we where dealing with where so kind and VERY helpful. In the end we went with the car with the lower amount. We had sat in the sales guys office and said there is NO way they will go below $100 biweekly,He already said that wouldn’t work. God intervened and we got it BELOW what we dreamed of! Financing was not an issue despite our poor choices in the past, again God moved that through!

In Nehemiah 1:5-6 msg ” I said “God, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, loyal to his covenant and FAITHFUL to those who love him and obey his commands…” God knew our hearts, we were getting something below our means, something smaller but reliable. I’m thankful that God is faithful even in our messes. He is faithful when we have a heart towards him that says God I have messed up, I have made mistakes and I will change my ways, please forgive me. The definition of faithful reads, ” Loyal, constant and steadfast” I’m thankful that as I abide in Gods presence, knowing that as I am faithful to him, He will be abundantly faithful to us.

A great word for every Mom!

“Honey Listen” http://subspla.sh/1shI4Mw

Ok I surrender already!!!!!!!

“Surrender” definition reads: verb1.cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority
synonyms:capitulate, give in, give (oneself) up ,give way, yield, concede (defeat),submit, climb down, back down, cave in, relent, crumble; More
noun1.the action of surrendering.
synonyms: capitulation, submission, yielding, succumbing, acquiescence;

Sounds glamorous I know. This is something I find to be hard in my life. I have learned thru different leaders in my life that just cause they want to “talk about something” doesn’t mean your going to be yelled at. I have learned with my husband that I trust, although may not always agree with, his decisions regarding our house, our kids, us etc. Submitting to God, well sometimes He is easier to ignore. Yet He seems to get his point across!

Mark and I for the last 3 years have been on opposite views about having a 3rd child or not. People would ask “so you guys having anymore kids?!” And well, it depended on which one of us you asked. I was a define YES while Mark was a very adamant NO WAY!!!

One time during prayer I felt God say “Do you want to have an Ishmael?” In Genesis 16:1-15, it talks about Abram decided to not wait on the Lord and decided to sleep with his wife’s servant girl. She got pregnant and that is how Ishmael came about. It was out of disobedience and a lack of surrender that he was born. So needless to say that hurt. Surrender to Me and have no more kids, or don’t and have a child out of your disobedience to me. OUCH!!! God knew how to get to me but for a full year I acted like a child who plugs their ears and sings loud so they can’t hear.

Mark and I would have talks about what to do with the kids playroom once they were older, trips to plan for the next few year etc. Exciting stuff, but I would often follow it up after getting all excited about these plans was “yeah but if we have another baby we can’t do that , or we will need the room….”  I would walk away and again hear, “Ishmael”. I would shoo the thought away like an annoying fly.

How many know that God knows best and He is truly a gentleman!?! I was driving home one night singing, badly I might add, when again I felt God say ” I have called you to greater things then having more kids. Tell Mark to book the surgery!” Well the floodgates opened, I was balling my eyes out! After a few days I said to Mark, “ok book the surgery”. His reaction is for a different post, lol. “Are you sure!?!!” He replied?

Knowing the childbearing years were gone it was time to purge! Some of it was easy while other parts where pure torture. Taking down the crib as I balled my eyes out knowing another baby will never be brought home into this house, this crib, blahhhhhh. Mark and I stood there both surprised that we were crying over a crib. We allowed ourselves to walk down memory lane but I’m so thankful for Mark who was quick to remind me of how 2 days prior Cole was having a fit and it took both of us to get him in his coat. It was like something you would see in TV we dried our tears and said “wow why where we upset again?!”

Then came the clothes and baby bottles. Well the clothes more then the bottles. I found myself alone one night going to clean out the playroom closet and again God says those boxes need to go. The final step of surrender. The last of the last of baby things. I cried there alone in the room knowing that tomorrow when the man comes to pick the clothes up for the single mom I don’t know my house will officially be baby free. I allowed myself in my surrender to this process and cried. I mean ugly cry as I went thru the boxes. I smiled at the clothes that stick out the most of when Cole was a baby. Cried as I pulled out his hat from the hospital and the outfits he wore. Went down memory lane in my mind of the picture that where taken in certain outfits or the occasion it was purchased for. I never saw myself as this kind of Mom. The one who weeps over clothes and knowing her “baby” isn’t as much of a baby anymore.

Surrender isn’t always easy, pretty or clean. Surrender is though freeing knowing your walking in what God is planning for your life. Knowing He is pleased by your obedience. Don’t get me wrong there have been times during this where I have felt amazing, excited and flat out joyful to be moving on but its not like that all the time. Surrender brings joy in the morning, even when you know the very last of the baby stuff is leaving your house.

Whatever area God has planned for me to surrender next I know in some way it will be easier simply because I know He has been with me thru this entire journey, allowing me to take baby steps, encouraging me and filling me with anticipation for what is to come.  Its like a bandaid. The faster you pull it off the easier and quicker the pain goes away.